(This is just my personal observation, not intended to preach or suggest anyone needs to change their way of living)
You know what...I quit! That’s right, I quit this crazy life.
I turned fifty a couple of weeks ago and almost overnight I have felt a strong change in my thought patterns. I have also noticed my being doesn’t respond well to anyone or anything that agitates.
It’s as though my head has been leading the way the first 50 years and now my heart has decided to take over the next 50. In the past, if someone said or did something to hurt me, I would dissect the circumstances for a very long time, then push all the emotions deep inside and face the world with a smile. This is no longer the way I respond. I suppose I don’t have the time nor the brain cells, to mull it over. It goes directly into my senses and I process it immediately.
These days, if you cross me, I will write you off like no one’s business! It’s not an Italian thing, I just don’t have it in me anymore. All I have time for is love. If your intent is positive, I can schedule you into my world. If it is negative, no offense, but get out of my way!
I may sound harsh or bitter, but I am not. I just need to be clear, so I don’t waste anymore of my life.
I have always looked at myself as a leader, not a follower. (mainly because that is what my Mom drilled into my brain from almost day one) I always thought that I marched to a different drummer; a hippy of sorts, that would never conform.
Well, as I look back on the last 16 years of my life, I have rationalized that in order to raise respectful and responsible kids, I would need to lead them on a straight and narrow path, little by little turning and widening, letting them make decisions, until finally they would be blazing their own trail.
This has been working quite well, for they are strong, responsible young men. But in the process, I lost my identity and have become “Stepford Wife-ish”.
That is the part of my life I am quitting. The life, that most people I encounter, seem to be leading. It’s almost a cow mentality. In my eyes, everyone is following each others’ butts to the slaughter!
I guess I just need to be grazing in the grass. I don’t feel the need to join every club, be at every event (with designer purse and shoes) or please everyone’s needs.
I want to write more often and speak out loud less and choose where my love, time and money goes, without making sure everyone sees my footprints.
So, when I say, “I quit”, I mean, I am no longer living the life that the media and society dictates. I am leading MY life and following my heart in hopes that my path will be lined with soft, green moss and not smelly manure!
