(Written 6/1/05)
Disclaimer: The following is complete fiction. Do not attempt to imagine any of the characters to be real life relatives or neighbors.
Today has been one of those, end-of-May days that fill your senses and ooze serenity.
Looking out at the many shades of green, I begin the calming motion of the back and forth breezes of my glider. I watch as the birds begin to feel at ease with me being in their space and resume their activities. I’m not sure what it is they are actually doing, but they seem to be very busy. The scene is medicine for what ails me.
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with all the sweetness that is spring, then attempt to exhale the sadness that seems to have taken long term residence within me. I want to be happy, but life seems to have made other plans.
A drone hum coming from the other side of the fence filters into my ears, sabotaging my meditation. Finally my mind recognizes the sound as voices. Ah, people. They always seem to get in the way. As I surrender to the distraction, I listen more carefully and begin to hear pieces of conversation. Many are involved. The longer I eavesdrop, the clearer the voices become. I am now absorbed to the point where it’s almost impossible to escape. Now, I need to know why these people are so happy to be together, talking and laughing.
Straining my ears to hear what seems to be a big happy family getting together on Memorial Day, clanging glasses with tongues wagging, probably throwing caution to the wind. I can now visualize this disturbance and realize I know this scene all too well. My family has put on this play for years.
The performance usually takes place at the parent’s home. The key actors are on their marks. The door opens and the remaining cast files in, one happy family member after another. After all of the initial loud greetings everyone searches for the one thing that will make this whole day tolerable. Booze! Yes, this is how we protect our little façade. It is a science you know. There is a very fine line between having just the right amount to ease the pain and pressure of being with “all of them” and having a bit too much, busting down the flood gates that hold all the years of discomfort and pretend.
So, the question is, does this happen in every family? Is this happening right now, next door, with those family members? Are they drinking, laughing and pretending too? How many secrets are within that small tribe?
Speaking for myself, I at least have twenty or so secrets in my head when I’m with my family, that I wouldn’t discuss even if one of us were on our death bed. So, you can imagine, within the group, how many secrets are not being revealed.
How honest are any of us? Is it possible to be completely honest with loved ones?
It’s the judgment that comes after a secret is revealed, that is hard to bear, especially with family. It can never be forgotten. So, rather than face the inquisition every time we meet, we tend to stay just below the radar with a gracious smile.
What’s that? Oh, no, is that the doorbell? I wasn’t expecting anyone. Someone let them in the house! It sounds like relatives. I pick up my drink and smile away. Lights, camera and ACTION!!
