open your mind, open your heart,
now close your eyes and imagine my soul.
my soul does not have a left or right,
a color or religion, nor does it have a sexual orientation.
this is how i want to be seen.
this is how everyone needs to be seen.
we are so much more than a label.
we just want to love and be loved.
now open your eyes, look at my life
this is when the judging begins.
i could be gay, lesbian, transgender, straight,
black, white, brown, yellow, red,
muslim, jewish, atheist, christian, buddhist, hindu, wicca,
heavy, thin, rich, poor, silly, serious, happy, mad,
ignorant, intelligent, social, introverted, sick, healthy, scared, confident.
each of our lives tells a story in history,
the struggles and successes of day to day life.
no ones life is perfect.
no one knows what’s right.
so as i pass people by, i stop replaying the images of the media
and the chatter in my head and focus only on what i know for sure...
they are flawed, struggling and lovable...just like me.
then turn my thoughts to what i can control...me.
i want to have empathy, display compassion, explore and evolve.
i am only a human...being.
so, let me, be!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, September 18, 2009
Being happy in your life
(This is an article I wrote for a web page with this title)
You want to be happy in your life? You must not have even one expectation. Having expectations are what causes the majority of the misery and failures in our lives.
I am not speaking of plans or goals. In our society, we all need to have intentions, strategies and objectives, otherwise there would be complete chaos. I am talking about envisioning how you think people or circumstances should be, then assume real life will have exactly the same image or outcome. This scenario sets us up for disappointment every time.
For an example, when you meet someone and you like the way they look, you begin to form an expectation in your mind, of the way you want your life to play out with this person, whether its a phone call the next day, a date the next week or walking down the aisle the next year.
As the encounter progresses, you talk, you laugh, you exchange phone numbers, then as you say goodbye, you begin to form a story line in your head of the conversation you will have when they call the next day. If they do not call, you are full of disillusionment because life did not go as you had planned. (if your plans went as far as what color the bridesmaid's dresses would be, you will also be full of rage at this point)
I believe, if you could stay in the present moment and be content with what is really happening, events would naturally evolve and have a better chance of a positive conclusion. Just as a step toward happiness, think about what makes you smile, things that you have in your life right now, that give you joy (even if it is as simple as a good cup of coffee) and begin to feel grateful for what you already have instead of always searching for something bigger or better. Accept everything as it truly is and not try to mold it into what you would prefer, then embrace the similarities and the contrasts or move in a different direction.
Nothing will ever be perfect. Life is not meant to be perfect. We are messy, mixed up, beautiful souls, trying our best to make sense of this life. Now, if you can look at a person from that vantage point, perhaps that person can exceed your expectations and turn out to be a pleasant surprise.
You want to be happy in your life? You must not have even one expectation. Having expectations are what causes the majority of the misery and failures in our lives.
I am not speaking of plans or goals. In our society, we all need to have intentions, strategies and objectives, otherwise there would be complete chaos. I am talking about envisioning how you think people or circumstances should be, then assume real life will have exactly the same image or outcome. This scenario sets us up for disappointment every time.
For an example, when you meet someone and you like the way they look, you begin to form an expectation in your mind, of the way you want your life to play out with this person, whether its a phone call the next day, a date the next week or walking down the aisle the next year.
As the encounter progresses, you talk, you laugh, you exchange phone numbers, then as you say goodbye, you begin to form a story line in your head of the conversation you will have when they call the next day. If they do not call, you are full of disillusionment because life did not go as you had planned. (if your plans went as far as what color the bridesmaid's dresses would be, you will also be full of rage at this point)
I believe, if you could stay in the present moment and be content with what is really happening, events would naturally evolve and have a better chance of a positive conclusion. Just as a step toward happiness, think about what makes you smile, things that you have in your life right now, that give you joy (even if it is as simple as a good cup of coffee) and begin to feel grateful for what you already have instead of always searching for something bigger or better. Accept everything as it truly is and not try to mold it into what you would prefer, then embrace the similarities and the contrasts or move in a different direction.
Nothing will ever be perfect. Life is not meant to be perfect. We are messy, mixed up, beautiful souls, trying our best to make sense of this life. Now, if you can look at a person from that vantage point, perhaps that person can exceed your expectations and turn out to be a pleasant surprise.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
How a woman can keep a man happy
(This is an article I wrote for a web page with this title)
Ladies, you can’t keep a man, let alone preserve his happiness! I mean, how long have women been discussing this? When I was growing up, it was said that, a way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Well, if that was all it took to keep his love, there really should be more women taking cooking classes.
Why do women spend so much time and energy trying to make a man happy? Men should not require so much guidance with basic needs? Are you in a relationship with a grown up or are you attempting to raise a son? (actually, my sons will tell you, I was not put on this earth to make them happy)
By definition, an adult man is a male that is fully grown and developed. It is not a woman’s job to make sure they are happy. Turn that around and make yourself happy and people will want to follow you everywhere, trying to keep that energy in their world.
Start today, thinking of your brain as a closet and lets clear out the clutter of all the thoughts you have of why he is or isn’t happy. If you’ve been in this relationship for some time, your closet is probably almost empty now. Now, what stays or goes into your closet, should be what makes you happy? Will he leave you if you do that? Good! Will he stay if you do that? Good! Either way, you will be living your life and feeling your way to happiness.
In my opinion, the men have the right attitude. They go about their business without worrying whether or not the woman is happy. Unless you are reading Playboy Magazine, it is rare to see an article titled, “How to Keep a Woman Happy.” He figures, if she were unhappy, she would say so. Little does he know, most women were raised, in order to keep a man she had to smile, keep quiet and sacrifice, making sure the man’s life is easy and all of his requirements are met. The man just thinks this is the woman being her sweet, loving self. If everyone were to pay more attention to their own needs, it would be a win, win situation.
You want to keep a man happy? Exercise, eat right, laugh and love often. If you think I am way off the mark with all of this, better get started on your culinary career...Tell me, what’s for dinner tonight??
Ladies, you can’t keep a man, let alone preserve his happiness! I mean, how long have women been discussing this? When I was growing up, it was said that, a way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Well, if that was all it took to keep his love, there really should be more women taking cooking classes.
Why do women spend so much time and energy trying to make a man happy? Men should not require so much guidance with basic needs? Are you in a relationship with a grown up or are you attempting to raise a son? (actually, my sons will tell you, I was not put on this earth to make them happy)
By definition, an adult man is a male that is fully grown and developed. It is not a woman’s job to make sure they are happy. Turn that around and make yourself happy and people will want to follow you everywhere, trying to keep that energy in their world.
Start today, thinking of your brain as a closet and lets clear out the clutter of all the thoughts you have of why he is or isn’t happy. If you’ve been in this relationship for some time, your closet is probably almost empty now. Now, what stays or goes into your closet, should be what makes you happy? Will he leave you if you do that? Good! Will he stay if you do that? Good! Either way, you will be living your life and feeling your way to happiness.
In my opinion, the men have the right attitude. They go about their business without worrying whether or not the woman is happy. Unless you are reading Playboy Magazine, it is rare to see an article titled, “How to Keep a Woman Happy.” He figures, if she were unhappy, she would say so. Little does he know, most women were raised, in order to keep a man she had to smile, keep quiet and sacrifice, making sure the man’s life is easy and all of his requirements are met. The man just thinks this is the woman being her sweet, loving self. If everyone were to pay more attention to their own needs, it would be a win, win situation.
You want to keep a man happy? Exercise, eat right, laugh and love often. If you think I am way off the mark with all of this, better get started on your culinary career...Tell me, what’s for dinner tonight??
Thursday, September 3, 2009
When you love Mr. Wrong
(This is an article I wrote for a web page with this as the subject)
Who you love doesn't really matter, heck even Mr. Right can rip your heart out! Its all about how you choose to love and the decisions you make as a relationship is forming. I believe the key is making the relationship an addition to your life, instead of your entire life revolving around the relationship. If you are true to yourself, you will not let anyone lead you in a wrong direction.
You never meet Mr. Wrong. At the first encounter, time stops, angels sing and you are mesmerized by how perfectly he matches all of your dreams. Tall, dark and handsome, making romantic candle-lit dinners, sending you flowers, candy and poems. (Feel free to insert your own idea of what your dreams would entail, these certainly are not mine. Although I do love being served dinner...and candles, not necessary) You proceed to smile your way through conversation that begins and ends with his interests, never once do you negate a word he says. You choose to be whatever it takes to keep from breaking the spell, right?
So after a period of time, could be as little as a month, he gets bored and wants something else, mostly because everything he saw at the first meeting that attracted him to you, is no longer there. You have become uninspiring, by making decisions based on his preferences, not your own. He needs someone to add spice to his life, a bit of mystery coming from around the corner.
If he is a decent human being, he will let you go and move on. If cowardly, you could end up with a hollow marriage, three kids and a mortgage, crying into your pillow, “I have sacrificed my whole life for this love and got nothing in return.” What about your needs? Don't you deserve to have someone fall all over you and anticipate your wants and needs? In my opinion, give and take, from both participants,that's what it is all about.
Now, if at that first meeting, you were honest, vocalizing your own opinions, keeping your life a priority and adding him to the mix, the progression of the relationship would be natural and stimulating for both parties.
I'm not saying that this is, “The Perfect Formula”, (I don't profess to ever have come close to a stellar relationship) but it definitely gives you a better chance of keeping Mr. Right from going wrong.
Who you love doesn't really matter, heck even Mr. Right can rip your heart out! Its all about how you choose to love and the decisions you make as a relationship is forming. I believe the key is making the relationship an addition to your life, instead of your entire life revolving around the relationship. If you are true to yourself, you will not let anyone lead you in a wrong direction.
You never meet Mr. Wrong. At the first encounter, time stops, angels sing and you are mesmerized by how perfectly he matches all of your dreams. Tall, dark and handsome, making romantic candle-lit dinners, sending you flowers, candy and poems. (Feel free to insert your own idea of what your dreams would entail, these certainly are not mine. Although I do love being served dinner...and candles, not necessary) You proceed to smile your way through conversation that begins and ends with his interests, never once do you negate a word he says. You choose to be whatever it takes to keep from breaking the spell, right?
So after a period of time, could be as little as a month, he gets bored and wants something else, mostly because everything he saw at the first meeting that attracted him to you, is no longer there. You have become uninspiring, by making decisions based on his preferences, not your own. He needs someone to add spice to his life, a bit of mystery coming from around the corner.
If he is a decent human being, he will let you go and move on. If cowardly, you could end up with a hollow marriage, three kids and a mortgage, crying into your pillow, “I have sacrificed my whole life for this love and got nothing in return.” What about your needs? Don't you deserve to have someone fall all over you and anticipate your wants and needs? In my opinion, give and take, from both participants,that's what it is all about.
Now, if at that first meeting, you were honest, vocalizing your own opinions, keeping your life a priority and adding him to the mix, the progression of the relationship would be natural and stimulating for both parties.
I'm not saying that this is, “The Perfect Formula”, (I don't profess to ever have come close to a stellar relationship) but it definitely gives you a better chance of keeping Mr. Right from going wrong.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Marriage: Until death do us part?
(This is an article I wrote for a web page that asked this question)
Marriage: Until death do us part?
This may have been a good notion in its days of conception, when humans only lived a very short time. Men and women worked hard to just stay alive. Couples didn’t spend a lot of quality time together. Most of their days were spent in survival mode. When they did have a moment together, it was an innate urge that needed satisfied and then back to the business of sustaining life.
Men needed a woman to keep his home and family tended to and women needed a man who could provide for their family’s needs. Those were pretty much the qualifications of the day. Most marriages were arranged by parents for their own advancements. Whether love was the basis for the attachment, usually didn’t factor into the conversation. Business, financial security and domestic duty, those were the reasons a contract that was locked in till death, worked.
But now? I’m not convinced it is reasonable. Fifty years or more is an awful long time to be with one person, even if you are madly in love most of the time.
In these times, (the 21st century) humans live a much more complicated life. They have choices; Careers, relationships, habitations, divorce, etc... They have a need to have many experiences to fulfill their desires. Needs and desires weren’t even a concept back in the olden days. Now, you have hundreds of choices with each life experience; groceries, neighborhoods, jobs, romantic liaisons.
With all those options, why would you want to pick just one and have it every day for the rest of your life. There has to be a moment when you fancy another possibility.
Yes, I am sure many of you will declare your instances of couples that have stayed together for years and still show love for one another. I am willing to bet almost anything, if you interview those involved separately, you will find they either missed out on many experiences that they longed for or took full advantage of those experiences and perhaps never got caught.
I am in the first grouping. I have been married for almost twenty years and have longed for many life experiences (not all human) that I could not take advantage of because I would have neglected my family or hurt someone’s feelings. I am not saying I don’t love my husband or that I don’t find him attentive, fun or entertaining. I am saying, that one human being can not be everything to another one being, till you die. However, I believe that you can be married and live a pleasant and content life that is formed from many compromises.
Personally, I feel if you are married to a good person that has similar world views, you have a very good chance of having a smile on your face on the day that death knocks on your door and makes you part.
Marriage: Until death do us part?
This may have been a good notion in its days of conception, when humans only lived a very short time. Men and women worked hard to just stay alive. Couples didn’t spend a lot of quality time together. Most of their days were spent in survival mode. When they did have a moment together, it was an innate urge that needed satisfied and then back to the business of sustaining life.
Men needed a woman to keep his home and family tended to and women needed a man who could provide for their family’s needs. Those were pretty much the qualifications of the day. Most marriages were arranged by parents for their own advancements. Whether love was the basis for the attachment, usually didn’t factor into the conversation. Business, financial security and domestic duty, those were the reasons a contract that was locked in till death, worked.
But now? I’m not convinced it is reasonable. Fifty years or more is an awful long time to be with one person, even if you are madly in love most of the time.
In these times, (the 21st century) humans live a much more complicated life. They have choices; Careers, relationships, habitations, divorce, etc... They have a need to have many experiences to fulfill their desires. Needs and desires weren’t even a concept back in the olden days. Now, you have hundreds of choices with each life experience; groceries, neighborhoods, jobs, romantic liaisons.
With all those options, why would you want to pick just one and have it every day for the rest of your life. There has to be a moment when you fancy another possibility.
Yes, I am sure many of you will declare your instances of couples that have stayed together for years and still show love for one another. I am willing to bet almost anything, if you interview those involved separately, you will find they either missed out on many experiences that they longed for or took full advantage of those experiences and perhaps never got caught.
I am in the first grouping. I have been married for almost twenty years and have longed for many life experiences (not all human) that I could not take advantage of because I would have neglected my family or hurt someone’s feelings. I am not saying I don’t love my husband or that I don’t find him attentive, fun or entertaining. I am saying, that one human being can not be everything to another one being, till you die. However, I believe that you can be married and live a pleasant and content life that is formed from many compromises.
Personally, I feel if you are married to a good person that has similar world views, you have a very good chance of having a smile on your face on the day that death knocks on your door and makes you part.
Friday, April 25, 2008
I Quit!
(This is just my personal observation, not intended to preach or suggest anyone needs to change their way of living)
You know what...I quit! That’s right, I quit this crazy life.
I turned fifty a couple of weeks ago and almost overnight I have felt a strong change in my thought patterns. I have also noticed my being doesn’t respond well to anyone or anything that agitates.
It’s as though my head has been leading the way the first 50 years and now my heart has decided to take over the next 50. In the past, if someone said or did something to hurt me, I would dissect the circumstances for a very long time, then push all the emotions deep inside and face the world with a smile. This is no longer the way I respond. I suppose I don’t have the time nor the brain cells, to mull it over. It goes directly into my senses and I process it immediately.
These days, if you cross me, I will write you off like no one’s business! It’s not an Italian thing, I just don’t have it in me anymore. All I have time for is love. If your intent is positive, I can schedule you into my world. If it is negative, no offense, but get out of my way!
I may sound harsh or bitter, but I am not. I just need to be clear, so I don’t waste anymore of my life.
I have always looked at myself as a leader, not a follower. (mainly because that is what my Mom drilled into my brain from almost day one) I always thought that I marched to a different drummer; a hippy of sorts, that would never conform.
Well, as I look back on the last 16 years of my life, I have rationalized that in order to raise respectful and responsible kids, I would need to lead them on a straight and narrow path, little by little turning and widening, letting them make decisions, until finally they would be blazing their own trail.
This has been working quite well, for they are strong, responsible young men. But in the process, I lost my identity and have become “Stepford Wife-ish”.
That is the part of my life I am quitting. The life, that most people I encounter, seem to be leading. It’s almost a cow mentality. In my eyes, everyone is following each others’ butts to the slaughter!
I guess I just need to be grazing in the grass. I don’t feel the need to join every club, be at every event (with designer purse and shoes) or please everyone’s needs.
I want to write more often and speak out loud less and choose where my love, time and money goes, without making sure everyone sees my footprints.
So, when I say, “I quit”, I mean, I am no longer living the life that the media and society dictates. I am leading MY life and following my heart in hopes that my path will be lined with soft, green moss and not smelly manure!
You know what...I quit! That’s right, I quit this crazy life.
I turned fifty a couple of weeks ago and almost overnight I have felt a strong change in my thought patterns. I have also noticed my being doesn’t respond well to anyone or anything that agitates.
It’s as though my head has been leading the way the first 50 years and now my heart has decided to take over the next 50. In the past, if someone said or did something to hurt me, I would dissect the circumstances for a very long time, then push all the emotions deep inside and face the world with a smile. This is no longer the way I respond. I suppose I don’t have the time nor the brain cells, to mull it over. It goes directly into my senses and I process it immediately.
These days, if you cross me, I will write you off like no one’s business! It’s not an Italian thing, I just don’t have it in me anymore. All I have time for is love. If your intent is positive, I can schedule you into my world. If it is negative, no offense, but get out of my way!
I may sound harsh or bitter, but I am not. I just need to be clear, so I don’t waste anymore of my life.
I have always looked at myself as a leader, not a follower. (mainly because that is what my Mom drilled into my brain from almost day one) I always thought that I marched to a different drummer; a hippy of sorts, that would never conform.
Well, as I look back on the last 16 years of my life, I have rationalized that in order to raise respectful and responsible kids, I would need to lead them on a straight and narrow path, little by little turning and widening, letting them make decisions, until finally they would be blazing their own trail.
This has been working quite well, for they are strong, responsible young men. But in the process, I lost my identity and have become “Stepford Wife-ish”.
That is the part of my life I am quitting. The life, that most people I encounter, seem to be leading. It’s almost a cow mentality. In my eyes, everyone is following each others’ butts to the slaughter!
I guess I just need to be grazing in the grass. I don’t feel the need to join every club, be at every event (with designer purse and shoes) or please everyone’s needs.
I want to write more often and speak out loud less and choose where my love, time and money goes, without making sure everyone sees my footprints.
So, when I say, “I quit”, I mean, I am no longer living the life that the media and society dictates. I am leading MY life and following my heart in hopes that my path will be lined with soft, green moss and not smelly manure!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Secret to Family Happiness
(Written 6/1/05)
Disclaimer: The following is complete fiction. Do not attempt to imagine any of the characters to be real life relatives or neighbors.
Today has been one of those, end-of-May days that fill your senses and ooze serenity.
Looking out at the many shades of green, I begin the calming motion of the back and forth breezes of my glider. I watch as the birds begin to feel at ease with me being in their space and resume their activities. I’m not sure what it is they are actually doing, but they seem to be very busy. The scene is medicine for what ails me.
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with all the sweetness that is spring, then attempt to exhale the sadness that seems to have taken long term residence within me. I want to be happy, but life seems to have made other plans.
A drone hum coming from the other side of the fence filters into my ears, sabotaging my meditation. Finally my mind recognizes the sound as voices. Ah, people. They always seem to get in the way. As I surrender to the distraction, I listen more carefully and begin to hear pieces of conversation. Many are involved. The longer I eavesdrop, the clearer the voices become. I am now absorbed to the point where it’s almost impossible to escape. Now, I need to know why these people are so happy to be together, talking and laughing.
Straining my ears to hear what seems to be a big happy family getting together on Memorial Day, clanging glasses with tongues wagging, probably throwing caution to the wind. I can now visualize this disturbance and realize I know this scene all too well. My family has put on this play for years.
The performance usually takes place at the parent’s home. The key actors are on their marks. The door opens and the remaining cast files in, one happy family member after another. After all of the initial loud greetings everyone searches for the one thing that will make this whole day tolerable. Booze! Yes, this is how we protect our little façade. It is a science you know. There is a very fine line between having just the right amount to ease the pain and pressure of being with “all of them” and having a bit too much, busting down the flood gates that hold all the years of discomfort and pretend.
So, the question is, does this happen in every family? Is this happening right now, next door, with those family members? Are they drinking, laughing and pretending too? How many secrets are within that small tribe?
Speaking for myself, I at least have twenty or so secrets in my head when I’m with my family, that I wouldn’t discuss even if one of us were on our death bed. So, you can imagine, within the group, how many secrets are not being revealed.
How honest are any of us? Is it possible to be completely honest with loved ones?
It’s the judgment that comes after a secret is revealed, that is hard to bear, especially with family. It can never be forgotten. So, rather than face the inquisition every time we meet, we tend to stay just below the radar with a gracious smile.
What’s that? Oh, no, is that the doorbell? I wasn’t expecting anyone. Someone let them in the house! It sounds like relatives. I pick up my drink and smile away. Lights, camera and ACTION!!
Disclaimer: The following is complete fiction. Do not attempt to imagine any of the characters to be real life relatives or neighbors.
Today has been one of those, end-of-May days that fill your senses and ooze serenity.
Looking out at the many shades of green, I begin the calming motion of the back and forth breezes of my glider. I watch as the birds begin to feel at ease with me being in their space and resume their activities. I’m not sure what it is they are actually doing, but they seem to be very busy. The scene is medicine for what ails me.
Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with all the sweetness that is spring, then attempt to exhale the sadness that seems to have taken long term residence within me. I want to be happy, but life seems to have made other plans.
A drone hum coming from the other side of the fence filters into my ears, sabotaging my meditation. Finally my mind recognizes the sound as voices. Ah, people. They always seem to get in the way. As I surrender to the distraction, I listen more carefully and begin to hear pieces of conversation. Many are involved. The longer I eavesdrop, the clearer the voices become. I am now absorbed to the point where it’s almost impossible to escape. Now, I need to know why these people are so happy to be together, talking and laughing.
Straining my ears to hear what seems to be a big happy family getting together on Memorial Day, clanging glasses with tongues wagging, probably throwing caution to the wind. I can now visualize this disturbance and realize I know this scene all too well. My family has put on this play for years.
The performance usually takes place at the parent’s home. The key actors are on their marks. The door opens and the remaining cast files in, one happy family member after another. After all of the initial loud greetings everyone searches for the one thing that will make this whole day tolerable. Booze! Yes, this is how we protect our little façade. It is a science you know. There is a very fine line between having just the right amount to ease the pain and pressure of being with “all of them” and having a bit too much, busting down the flood gates that hold all the years of discomfort and pretend.
So, the question is, does this happen in every family? Is this happening right now, next door, with those family members? Are they drinking, laughing and pretending too? How many secrets are within that small tribe?
Speaking for myself, I at least have twenty or so secrets in my head when I’m with my family, that I wouldn’t discuss even if one of us were on our death bed. So, you can imagine, within the group, how many secrets are not being revealed.
How honest are any of us? Is it possible to be completely honest with loved ones?
It’s the judgment that comes after a secret is revealed, that is hard to bear, especially with family. It can never be forgotten. So, rather than face the inquisition every time we meet, we tend to stay just below the radar with a gracious smile.
What’s that? Oh, no, is that the doorbell? I wasn’t expecting anyone. Someone let them in the house! It sounds like relatives. I pick up my drink and smile away. Lights, camera and ACTION!!
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